Mostly functional, occasionally feral, always writing through the chaos.

Jennifer

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• The Chaos We Choose
• The Split Kit

To cope with the recurring emotional apocalypse that my brain puts me through, I’ve been through the ringer trying all manner of coping skills and I’m willing to bet that so many people out there are in the same boat. So what makes a coping skill work?

Well what does it look like when it doesn’t? To me, that’s the first question I have to ask myself. I’ve struggled so much with unhealthy coping mechanisms that sometimes I feel like a bit of a cliche. If your coping strategy is totally centered around using various substances to feel better… hate to break it to you hun but it doesn’t work. Practicing the alphabet backwards while sober so you can say it to prove sobriety while drunk is a really bad look, don’t ask me how I know. If your coping strategy involves hurting yourself just to feel some control, it’s not fucking working either. I’ve used the same self harm strategy and all it ultimately lead to was shame, stress, and scars. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing it yourself or if you’re provoking someone else to do it for you, it just adds more problems in the end I promise. When you are trying to find a coping mechanism, ask yourself two questions and if either answer is yes then it’s not going to work. “Is this meant to alter my personality or consciousness in some way?” and “Could I end up injured or worse?”

Yeah yeah I know, it sounds like I’m being a killjoy but just hear me out. What if you could cope with the emotional roller coaster without feeling ashamed or like you have to justify what you’re doing? For me, the best coping mechanisms are the ones that can distract me from the chatter for long enough that I’m not at the mercy of an emotional nuke. All of my effective strategies allow me to create or nurture something in some way. The voices are too damn loud? put them bitches to work narrating a good book. Partner said something that you took some type of way? Talk it through and let them help rather than lash out and push them away (I suspect you’ll find that all your partner really wants is to be able to watch you heal and help you grow, don’t deny them that opportunity). Can’t see anything but the ugly in the world? grab a camera and go look for something beautiful. Supposed friend betrays your trust? Start a fucking blog and try to share your life with people that are willing to understand. Just do something. Make it a game and try to let the symptoms turn into strengths.

Now before my wife inevitably reads this post and calls me on my bullshit, lets get real. I know I’m telling y’all what works for me, but don’t get it twisted, I still struggle employing effective strategies but what matters is I’m getting better everyday. Guess what though, we’d struggle even if we didn’t have BPD or as my wife calls it “emotional schizophrenia” that’s part of being human. BPD is fucking rough but it’s not terminal. As my partner, and emotional support human would say: “It’s all about the mindset.”

Split Happens, but I happen louder!